Monday, May 24, 2010

And you thought I forgot it's Monday

I almost did, but to bad for you I looked at the calender!

Three old rifle shooters are out walking. 
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" 
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" 
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." 
Dont you hate having to ask directions from an Imperial lackey?
The Vietnam War has drawn to a close. 
The U.S. Army gives 3 Soldiers a chance to earn some money because of a lack of medals earned in the field. 
The 3 Soldiers, two PFCs and a Corporal, are standing in an infirmary in Ft. Benning, GA awaiting the docs.
The doc tells the soldiers the parameters of the idea: each Soldier gets to pick two spots on his body, and for every inch separating those two points, $1,000 would be awarded.
The first PFC tells the doctors he would like to be measured from the tip of his head to the soles of his feet.
He is measured at 6 feet even, so he receives a check for $72,000. 
The next PFC spreads his arms to the side like wings and requests to be measured from tip to tip of his outstretched middle fingers.
It's an impressive 8 feet 6 inches, so he is awarded $102,000. 
The Corporal grins at the doctors as he requests to be measured from the tip of his "baton" to the base of his scrotum.
The doctor pleads with the Corporal to reconsider, but the Corporal is adamant. 
The doctor finally gives in, instructs the Corporal to drop trou for a measure. 
All of a sudden the doc exclaims, "Just where is your scrotum, Corporal?"
He replies with a smile, "Back in Ho Chi Minh City, Sir!" 

Remember this, you young punks, now GET OFF MY LAWN!

A taxidermist from Connecticut decides to take a vacation to Arkansas.
After arriving, he decides to visit the local watering hole. 
As he enters the bar he notices all eyes are on him and there is an uncomfortable feeling in the air. 
The taxidermist approaches the bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
After handing the beer to him the barkeep says, "don't think I've seen you around here before, where you from and what do you do?"
The taxidermist answers, "I'm from Connecticut and I mount animals.
"Oh," the bartender says, 
"its OK boys, he's one of us!"


You have to be really cool to have your own action figure, I should know,

I need to get an M4 in his hand though

Until the marrow, stay thirsty my friends!

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