Monday, June 14, 2010

It's Monday, Monday, Monday

And time for a slight giggle.

One day a man was reading the classifieds in the newspaper, 
and he noticed an ad: "For sale. Talking dog. $20.00."
The man noticed that the address was that of his neighbors, so he walks next door. "Hey, Bob. The paper made a mistake on your ad."
"Not a mistake," Bob replies.
"Not a mistake? You mean you actually have a talking dog?"
"Yep. See for yourself. He's in the bedroom."
The man walks into the bedroom, and sees a dog, relaxed on the bed, laying on his back, with his paws behind his head.
"You the talking dog?" the man asks skeptically.
The dog turns and looks at him, and says, "Yep. Good to meet you."
The man is amazed. "Where did you learn to speak English," he asks.
The dog replies, "Well, it started in the Air Force. I used to be a dog instructor at the Air Force's K-9 dog school at Lackland Air Force Base. I learned english pretty good there. 
Then I was transferred to Army Special Forces. I went on some missions in Latin America, learned some more English, and even picked up some Spanish. 
After that, I was transferred to the Marines, where I was a Guard Dog at the Embassy in Paris.
I learned a little French while I was there.
Before I retired, I was transferred to the Navy, where I was a K-9 dog in Italy.
Learned me some Italian while I was there."
The man was absolutely amazed. He went back into the living room and said to his neighbor, "That's amazing. How can you sell a dog like that for $20.00?"
The neighbor replied, "Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of those things."
Watch that latest military blockbuster movie, but you're at a loss as to some of the military terms they used? Here's a basic primer: Befarkled: Confused, characterized by a state of genuine, profound disorientation; perpetual state of all Chemical units.
Primary Hammer or The Hammer: A cool operational term to impress a superior when describing the finishing force, or the main effort.
Fan-Out: A dismounted operation involving soldiers on the ground maximizing the amount of terrain they can cover or disperse over.
Paint the Picture: A term used to gather information and assess the situation. Usually asked by senior leaders to junior leaders. Usually invoked after the senior leader has gotten sleep and knows absolutely nothing of the tactical situation, while the battle captain has been up all night.
Critical Terrain: Terrain that if not secured, grabbed, taken or camped out on – you are screwed. A new category to describe terrain in FM 34-130 (Critical – Decisive – Key).
Kick-Out: An armor technique used to employ light infantry to clear severely restricted terrain in order to allow the armor to pass.
Phase: Infantry term for we don’t know how to write paragraph three.
Hey, Diddle – Diddle: Group of words used to describe a possible COA that allows for no analytical thought and ensures a minimum 75% casualty rate. Known also to the USMC as High, Diddle-Diddle.
Police-Up: An infantry operation to defeat the remaining enemy on an objective after Armor forces by-pass or attempt to avoid confrontation.
Flex: A really cool sounding non-doctrinal term used to maneuver a unit from one location to another. Used primarily when you don’t have a clue where you are or how the hell to get to the new location.
Technique: A noun, used in the phrase: “That’s a technique.” Translated – That’s a really screwed up way to execute this operation and you will probably kill your entire unit. But if you want to do it that way – go ahead.”
Hang Out: To establish a position characterized by a total lack of security, soldiers asleep in hammocks and a huge BBQ pit turning out chow. A task usually accomplished by Air Defenders.
Bells & Whistles: An inordinate amount of cheese, not required to get necessary information communicated to another individual or group of individuals. Commonly associated with Canine and Equestrian Theater.
Blah, Blah, Blah: Short for “You know what I’m going to say anyway, so I’m not going to waste our time to actually say it.” See also Yada Yada Yada or Homina Homina, or humma humma humma.
Let’s Rock Baby: Radio communications pro-word for “Guidons, this is 2. Panther 6 FRAGO follows, acknowledge, over.”
Getting’ Jiggy With It: A friendly oriented, offensive form of maneuver that simultaneously utilizes at least three maneuver elements.
Drive By: Engaging the enemy while bypassing. Meets both the destruction and bypass criteria given in the OPORD.  

You see so little love for the full 10, I had to add this one

Go get um guys, they always give me the stink eye when I am carting out a flat screen anyway 

" I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the 
UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. 
However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services,
although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. 
I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. 
I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, 
and receive no thanks or notice form the public.
I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, 
and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.!
I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. 
I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. 
All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property.
I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much.
I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless.
I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure,
I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. 
I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, 
on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, 
Disclamier ( I was in the CG, so I guess I can get away with saying this!)

Went to a game last week, wanted to save on gas so we carpooled.

Till Tomorrow,
Stay Thirsty my Friends

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